Dad... I... *URGH

Overseas

2011-12-19T11:06:00.002+08:00

Talking to Curtis really slaps you back to reality sometimes... Just the other night, I met up with him for a beer and for some reason, our conversations always takes on a very serious note whenever we are just the two of us.

Well, so I told him about my plans to migrate to Melbourne, and what he said makes me almost want to try of live out my life here.

One of the main points being that we become the problem in Melbourne that we are having in Singapore. Foreigners. Becoming the hot topic every time elections roll about. Hear about every politicians' plan to further restrict foreigner rights, your rights. Competing with fellow foreigners for the certain percentage that the government would allocate for foreigners, housing, jobs, vehicle registrations. The next time you step into town, count the number of times you notice the pinoys, the banglas, the tiongs, the *insert misc race here*, more importantly, take note of your own disdain for them. Now, imagine every other Australian looking at you the very same way. You are now the foreigner problem remember?

Infrastructure? Few countries have it better than Singapore. Oh look, train breakdowns. When was the last time the North South line broke down? 20 years ago? Look at the people on your **insert social networking site here** feed who happen to be overseas right now, aren't they annoyed by our complaints? Because of one very simple fact, it's worse in almost every other country.

You see, the only reason why you loved your short stay in **insert country here** was because you are the expats, selected for the talents that locals don't have, or the student, spending money that the locals don't spend. You are treated like gods because you are welcomed. To get a true living condition map, ask the locals. Then divide that by two because you are a foreigner.

I'm not saying that I don't hate Singapore anymore, I still do. It's just that even if we move to a better country, we'll be facing tougher conditions just because we are not native.

That being said, I still hold this childish belief that it won't affect me because I'm different. I still want to move to Melbourne the first chance I get.

Just for fun:

The Economist's World's Most Liveable Cities 2011 (Top 10)^[7]
	City	Country	Rating
1	Melbourne	Australia	97.5
2	Vienna	Austria	97.4
3	Vancouver	Canada	97.3
4	Toronto	Canada	97.2
5	Calgary	Canada	96.6
6	Sydney	Australia	96.1
7	Helsinki	Finland	96.0
8	Perth	Australia	95.9
9	Adelaide	Australia	95.9
10	Auckland	New Zealand	95.7

Meaning of life

2011-10-04T22:17:00.000+08:00

So the girlfriend and I were discussing children and why it isn't important that we have them. It lead me to think about carrying on the family blood line.

Why do we have kids? The chinese believe that it is to carry on the family trade/name/history, economists believe in populating the work force, atheists believe that it is the one thing that proves that they were once alive and existed in this world. I'll expand on the last one since the first two carries no meaning for me.

When you're old, dying and atheist, you begin to panic. What did I achieve? What have I done my whole life? What proves that I was here? If there is no religion and no heaven, I'll be gone the moment I die. Ah ha! But I have children! they prove that I was alive! True. But all you've done is bring forth to this world a being who will go through the same process as you, ie. study hard to get a degree, get a degree to get a job, get a job to support a wife, wife needs supporting because she's instrumental in family making and therefore cannot have a job, create a family, support a family, die not knowing what you've achieved your whole life.

Take children out of the equation. You create a family as equals, you both have a job, no one needs supporting, no one feels like they're losing out on something, you both have free time to do your own thing; create a new technology, invent something, discover old ruins, make history. In short, lived your life to the fullest and had a/many loving, fulfilling relationship(s). Die happy.

Sure, people invent stuff all the time, that person could have been your child if you chose to have one. You ruled out that one in a million chance that your child could be the next Nikolas Tesla.

Two things.

One, I believe talent is nutured; an inquisitive mind, creativity, the winning attitude, all got to do with upbringing/childhood.

Two, there are enough idiots in this world who have children without thinking of the consequences, enough idiots who would force themselves on the unwilling to carry their child(pssst! I'm talking about rape.), enough idiots who support a religion that dictates your chance at life to be destroyed because of an accidental conceivement, or just the occasional sad case of a tragic accident where by unwanted children are born and abandoned. Why would you bring a new being into this world while so many children are still uncared for, unloved, not nutured to be the talent they could be?

You don't even have to adopt a child to care for. You could just teach them your skills, nuture them, impart your values to them. You could just visit them.

I'll end the point here, but let's revisit point number one, carrying on the family tradition. In the past, every family did something, a rice field, a cobbler shop, smithing, whatever. Anything that could be traded for something else they need. They needed descendants to carry on the work because the village needs that particular line of work. A loss of blood line would mean a loss of a type of knowledge. Zoom in to the twenty-first century where in urban living, every person gets armed with the same set of knowledge, applies for the same kind of jobs, gets thrown into the same cycle of living. What then? Does anybody miss anything just because you don't have children?

So many ideas bouncing about my head and it's hard to bind them together to form sentences... Good night!

I am in Loooooooooove...

2011-01-12T19:04:00.000+08:00

Yes I am...

Christmas

2011-01-01T16:00:00.002+08:00

The days leading up to Christmas had been fun, in fact, this could possibly be the best Christmas I've had in my whole life. =)

I've never felt this way with anybody else before... I've not had my heart in such turmoil for a long time...

But just this once... It hurts and I like it...

i was bored in camp... so sue me...

2010-11-15T12:20:00.001+08:00

Damien: Hey man...
Nathaniel: Hey...
Damien: so what are you here for?
Nathaniel: sta... stabbing... You?
Damien: gouging someone's eyes out...

**awkward silence**

Nathaniel: so... What happens now?
Damien: we wait...

And then it starts... A faint rumbling in the distance grows into a feral machine roar... The rusty iron rack they are on trembles with the incoming onslaught. The sound becomes deafening as an cloyingly sweet chemical cleanser washes over them and they are pressure jetted by nearly scalding water. It was over before they know it, the water all but steams away from their naked bodies even as they were wiped down by unknown hands.

As soon as they were cleansed, damien and nathaniel gets thrown into a cell to be joined by many others. All the faces were strangely vacant, with no signs of what they had previously been doing. Old-timers who have been in and out so many times they no longer show any remorse. Nathaniel turns around to grab hold of his new found friend, but damien is no where to be found... They have been seperated in the chaos. Lost, scared and all alone, nathaniel sinks into a corner and starts to shake.

It was all a mistake... He shouldn't be here, it wasn't his will that made him do it... He was just an instrument in the hands of giant that holds all and controls all... Thoughts of all kinds flashed through his mind at- he utters a silent scream as he was manhandled into another unknown location squeezing his eyes shut with fear... Linen...

Soft linen... nathaniel dared a peek at his surroundings... he was thrown onto a make shift bed, but at least there was an attempt at hygiene... "hey" nathaniel spun around so quickly that his eyes took a while to catch up, "damien!" his ragged voice barely coming through as he jumped damien, hugging tight and not letting go...

That night, they slept in tight embrace while wrapped in a cocooned bundle of the sheets, their heads barely poking out in a cute way. Nathaniel fell into a deep dreamless sleep, safe in damien's arms, safe for now...

In the morning, as damien rubs his nose against nathaniel's back...
Nathaniel: say... What happens now?
Damien: hmmm?
Nathaniel: to us i mean, what do we do?
Damien: we wait...

-end-

note: The feral machine roar came from a dishwasher... Go figure it out...

Raffles City lol

2010-11-13T21:48:00.005+08:00

So yeah... I've been meaning to blog about this last week... But things happened... Army forever being the black hole, drawing in more and more of your time... cut my index finger quite badly, couldn't type... burnt the other index finger, throbbing my attention away... camera refusing to let me export my photos, couldn't blog... procrastination, making excuses and being lazy...

So yeah... Last Sunday I went down, with a huge group of people who kinda knew each other through a common friend, to Raffles City shopping centre for a tea session thingy... awesome awesome... Apparently the new B2 link at Raffles City teleports you automagically teleports you to Esplanade MRT station from Cityhall station... I never did notice cos there were so many interesting things to see, food to eat and that we have no idea where we were going... And with the Marketplace in B1 going through a revamp... the whole underground in town is going to take some getting used to...

I'll just let a few photos take up space in this post...
First stop is The Hand Burger... Popped by for a quick bite cos we didn't have lunch...

Look at all the food laid out for us! **growls** errr... sorry...

The burger drips a lot of juice for something that fits in your mouth(you'd have to have a kinda big mouth though)... I like my meat juicy **awkward wink**

And this... sludge of distilled sin... tastes like... well... Nutella... pure Nutella churned into a drink... Don't look at me like that... Nutella is awesome ok...

Next up is Fruit frolic... A place that sells cold pressed juices... Apparently it's good for health...
Deceitfully young looking man trying to get us to drink his dubious magic juices...

Said dubious juice...

errrr.... I never liked paying for insanely expensive fruit juices in town... But this one supposedly has 6 times the vitamins and enzymes of normal juice... They scream the juice out I believe...

Right... Fast forward to the end of the day(I'm cheating cos I'm missing a couple of photos), I felt like we walked through the whole town in 2 hours... had yogurt, soup, pizza like how pizza is supposed to be made(crispy thin crusts), fruit tarts that looked so huge I don't even know what defines a tart anymore, a cafe with muraflagahimaboop I kinda forgot what happened there, a aromatic scent place that smelt like pure energy spiking through your nose(a little bit annoying but it grows on you after a while) and a blood type store that says that different blood types absorb nutrients differently(effectively saying medical science for the past few decades have been a lie, I honestly don't really believe it)... and oops, we popped into Esplanade station... there... told you we teleported automagically...

You can check out the microsite here

The pair of old love birds

2010-10-07T21:24:00.002+08:00

So I was reading the newspaper this morning on the bus... MM Lee's eulogy for his late wife in fact... Up until then, the articles in straits times were all very professionally written, making Mdm Kwa sound like a very nice and important person, but they lacked a human touch... The eulogies by the different people close to heart lent a personal feel to the affair... Brought me back to the fact that she was only human, who loved and was loved... This very love brought tears to my eyes, on the bus to camp with a sheaf of newspaper in front of me(and probably drew curious looks from the guy sitting next to me)...

Go read it if you haven't

Spooning

2010-10-07T20:14:00.002+08:00

SOL once again...

2010-03-27T21:15:00.002+08:00

I got charged again... really stupid reason...

14 days of SOL, 2 weekends of Solitude, 2 more weeks to endure.

I've likened myself to a willow tree, when the wind blows, I sway with the wind, when the storm strikes, I bend with the storm, but just like any other tree, I am fallible, and I am coming this close to breaking.

Next week will be Good Friday, my mum will be getting baptised, my family will be going to church. I'm not a religious person, but I care for my family, I care enough that I want to be there for my mum when she goes through the moment of change. And no, I will not be booking out.

Today has been the longest day of my life, this close to graduation and I'm getting fucked by army. My bunk mates have been giving me their support in every way they can, and with their help, I will get through this. My heartfelt thanks, best buds in army.

From Tekong to Singapore,
AhZheng

SOL

2010-01-16T19:11:00.001+08:00

hmmmm..... as some of you may know... I'm charged with SOL.... sibeh sian.... now still in tekong... but no worries... i'll be back with a vengeance next week...

last day...

2009-11-30T19:27:00.002+08:00

my heart beating at my throat as the hours crawl by...

my palms are sweating and my ears are burning...

as I walked towards the door, tears well up in my eyes...

yes, today is the last day of work at blue... As much as I keep complaining about how much I hate work and how horrible it is... but really... it has become a place of familiarity and warmth... Learnt much, seen much, and done much, this past few months have made a joke out of my time in poly... I really wanted to walk over just to say good bye... but I was afraid to cry in front of everyone... and so I turned my back and walked away...

but the wheel of life continues to turn...

the inevitable shall come...

and it will pass in time to come...

who knows what the future will hold for me...

2009-11-03T22:25:00.001+08:00

Deleting this blog didn't make much of a difference... I still have no life... at least this blog helps me to have an easier lack of a life...

2009-09-27T22:05:00.002+08:00

1. What cosplays have you done?
Vampire Knight, Strawberry panic...

2. When was your first event?
dunno... forgot alr...

3. What are your favorite costumes?
anything that exposes alot of nice legs...

4. Do you have any cosplay idols?
a few...

5. What is your first costume?
VK day class uniform...

6. Did you enter any contests?
nope... what for? its something i do for fun...

7.Do you prefer to do group cosplay or solo?
Solo, own time own target, no pressure, no time wasted...

8. Do you believe love in cosplay?
i suppose love can be found anywhere...

9. What are your upcoming cosplay plans?
moar Xdress stuff...

10. What are your dream cosplays?
Bridget...

11. Tag 5 friends to do this quiz:
whoever that wants to do this...

Letters from a dear friend

2009-08-31T16:59:00.002+08:00

I promised myself I will not let myself be crushed by the same stone, not to crash and burn into the one brick wall...

So why do I still keep those 3 letters?
Why did my tears inexplicably fall when I read them once again...

Stupid stupid man...

I will not allow myself to fall.

First week of work

2009-08-28T17:24:00.002+08:00

The first week of work has gone by and I've,

used company facilities like its my house,

been late for work,

come to work at the latest acceptable time when i'm not late,

settled in comfortably,

not smoked or drank alcohol,

played pool at work.

I think I like it here...

Today at work, I was expected to take an 80kb flash banner and make it fit inside 30kb, this task was affectionately termed "miracle". When I finally downsized it to 44kb, the project manager said this "awwwww... no miracle?" and gave me the puppy eyes...

nice?

today on skype...

2009-08-16T00:18:00.001+08:00

Katherine Knox
12:15 AM
Hi! Remember me?
Lin Congzheng
12:17 AM
no
Katherine Knox
12:17 AM
How you can forget me?
I want to meet with you.
u can see my photos at http://lead-trix.com/profile/?uid=1287
Lin Congzheng
12:17 AM
who the fuck are you
12:17 AM
go away and never disturb me again

2009-08-08T11:49:00.000+08:00

I love the feeling of hot pants, so damn sexy, the attention, the stares, double takes and shy curiousity, all part of the fun...

Up was good... no spoilers here... but it was so touching, Ah ling had to hear me cry... meh... defiinitely one of the better shows I've watched this year... yes... its that good... although... some parts don't make sense?

help I'm alive my heart keeps beating like a hammer...

I think i'm attracted to someone now... how?

2009-07-16T14:49:00.002+08:00

bought a new lens filter for my camera... got back my laptop... keyboard wonky as hell... but working well enough for me to use... been spending quite a bit of time and effort doing a minor project, its really gonna be great, but no details at this point haha... my minor is pwnz this time round... hee hee...

a couple of things i need to do now, or asap at least... but i'm sure everything will work out fine... my life is relatively stable now... who needs a relationship when i have my awesome friends around? Maybe a little bit jealous... But hey, when life gives your sour grapes, eat them! And make a sour face after that so that your friends will be entertained...

Thinking of going back to one of the old blogs...

damn you xavier...

2009-07-01T22:09:00.002+08:00

RULES: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to copy-paste this note, and answer all the questions. At the end, choose 15 people to be tagged - including the person who tagged you. (To do this, go to “notes” under tabs (+) on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, paste the questions, answer the questions, tag 15 people (in the right hand corner of the app then click publish).
//this is obviously a facebook meme...
ABC About You Questions:

A - AVAILABLE: Yes

B - BIRTHDAY: September 16

C - CRUSHING ON: No one, perfect state of zen..

D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Di-Hydrogen Monoxide

E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: Debbie?

F - FAVORITE: No idea really... Restaurant City?

G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: Gummy worms...

H - HOMETOWN: Hougang

I - IN LOVE WITH: No one, and everyone

J - JUGGLE: No

K - KILLED BY: HAH! dun wanna talk about it

L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: Genting Trip

M - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Probably chocolate

N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 2

O - ONE WISH: To be beautiful and dirty rich(sorry, listening to lady gaga now) But seriously, A person's wish is half granted when he finds out what he really wants.

P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: Bacardi Event girl...

R - REASON TO SMILE: flirt

S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: Beautiful Dirty Rich- Lady gaga

T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 10 am

V - VEGETABLE(S): What about?

W - WORST HABIT: Keeping to myself too much

X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: 3

Y – YOYOS ARE: Originally designed as a sex toy for other orifices.

Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Serpent

Random Questions About You:

What color do you wear most?: White

What are you listening to?: Just Dance - Lady gaga

Are you happy with your life right now?: No, absolutely not. I am not complete yet.

What is your favorite class in school?: D&T

When do you start back at school/college?: No idea...

Are you outgoing?: Very, except, i'm always strapped for cash...

Favorite pair of shoes?: My converse? But seriously, i love slippers more.

Where do you wish you were right now: Somewhere where my existence matters to someone special

THE CANS:
Can you dance? : Abit...

Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth?: Never tried...

Can you whistle?: Yes

Write with both hands?: Yes, but the question is, can you read what I wrote with my other hand?

Walk with your toes curled?: No

THE DO'S:
Do you believe there is life on other planets?: Not really, other galaxies maybe

Do you believe in miracles? : Nope, cause and effect, events, coincidences, force of will.

Do you believe in magic?: Sure, why not.

Love at first sight?: Nope, alot of people tend to hate me at first sight.

Do you think there's a Satan?: Nope, believing in satan would mean that I believe in God.

Do you believe in Santa?: Yeah, but not the stories surrounding him.

Do you know how to swim?: Yes

Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows?: Maybe

THE HAVES:

Have you ever been on a plane?: Yes

Have you ever asked someone out?: Yes

Have you ever been asked out by someone?: No(I assume the context of this question is about dates...)

Have you ever been to the ocean?: Yes

Have you ever painted your nails?: Yes

THE WHATS:
What is the temperature outside?: cool

What radio station do you listen to?: None

What was the last restaurant you ate at?: No idea

What was the last thing you bought?: Weed

Who was the last person you took a picture of?: Dunno

CRYING SECTION:
Ever really cried your heart out?: No

Ever cried yourself to sleep?: No

Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: No

Ever cried over the opposite sex?: Yes

Do you cry when you get an injury?: No, but i curse and swear instead

Do certain songs make you cry?: No

HAPPY SECTION.
Are you a happy person?: I try to be

What can make you happy?: Weed, long Island tea, company

Do you wish you were happier?: Of course

Can music make you happy?: Yes

LOVE SECTION.
How many times have you had your heart broken?: **smiles**

Have you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them?: Yes

LOOK AT ME.
What is your current hair color?: Black

Current piercings?: None

Have any tattoos?: Not yet

Eye color: Brown

IN GIRLS

Favorite eye color: Green
Short or long hair: Its the style that counts, but long generally
Height: average?
Best clothing: Up to her.

HAVE YOU EVER.

Been to jail: No
Mooned someone: No
Thrown up in a store: No
Done something really stupid that you still laugh at today: No
Gone skinny dipping: No

THIS OR THAT (I would rather it says THIS & THAT) LoL.

Pepsi or Coke: Coke
McDonald's or Burger King: McDs
Single or Group Dates: Single
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Strawberries or Blueberries: Blueberries
Meat or Veggies: Meat
TV or Movie: Movie
Guitar or Drums?: Drums
Adidas or Nike: Doesn't matter to me
Chinese or Mexican: Chinese
Cheerios or Corn Flakes: Corn flakes
Cake or Pie: Cake

A prayer to St Michael

2009-06-29T15:09:00.000+08:00

Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle;
be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray:
and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly host,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan and all the evil spirits
who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.

the black list...

2009-06-28T19:57:00.002+08:00

lately I realised more and more people have been added to the hate/dislike list that I didn't even know existed... Its only now that i realize how much discontent I have inside me...

I've subconsciously started to avoid people now, no matter online or in reality... My dad used to tell this to me, its ok that we aren't rich, as long as we can hold our head up high when we are in public, we are happy. It seems I'm doing the exact opposite now...

haiz... dunno what to think, dunno what to do, dunno what to say...

2009-06-26T00:51:00.001+08:00

A man was on his first business trip to Japan, and he decided
to check out the local Whore House. He walked in and was
assigned a young girl with a body that got him "up"
immediately. As soon as they reached the room, he started
ripping her clothes off and going to town.

Moaning and grunting, the girl was screaming in Japanese,
"Chigau! Chigau!" He was sure that she was praising him for
his good job, so he kept going harder than ever.

Later, he went golfing with his boss and a few clients.

As the clients were Japanese, he decided to impress them with
his new knowledge of their language. When one of them got a
hole in one, he raised his arms and shouted "Chigau!".

All of the men looked at him quizzically, and one of them
asked, "Why are you shouting 'wrong hole'?"

another excerpt from simon r green

2009-06-18T16:13:00.002+08:00

"With the Manx Cat shattered, the power sustaining Molly's tangle spell was gone, and the dozen black-uniformed men scrambled to their feet again, raising their guns. Mad as hell at being taken so easily, they all opened fire on Molly. The bullets hit her again and again, sending her staggering backwards under the repeated impacts. Blood spurted from dozens of wounds, snapping her head back and forth, and she couldn't enough breath to scream. Finally the men stopped firing, and Molly fell, as though that was all that had been holding her up. I fell to my knees beside her and grabbed her hand. She tried to say something to me, blood gushing and spraying painfully from her mouth, and all I could do was hold her hand until at last the life went out of her eyes. I looked up at the armed men, and they all fell back a step, afraid of whatever it was they saw in my face.

But I wasn't going to kill them, That wasn't enough.

I finally thought to hit the button on my reverse watch and rewind time. I'd almost left it too long. The watch almost didn't want to take me far enough back, but I just hit it again and again and again, until finally it took me back to the point where the armed men were just starting to train their guns on Molly. I threw myself in front of her, between her and the bullets, armouring up as I went. The living metal swept over me even as the bullets flew through the air; and fast as the bullets were, the armour was faster. Every single shot that would have killed Molly ricocheted off me instead.

I thew myself upon the armed men, beat the crap out of them, and tossed them around the room for a while, until Molly finally stepped in and stopped me. Not for their sakes, but for mine. She knew I'd feel bad afterwards, if I killed them. I armoured down and smiled tremulously at her. I'd come so close to losing her.

"I'm a witch," Molly said slowly, holding my eyes with hers. "I see thing, and remember things, that others can't. I remember lying on the floor, dying... and then you rewrote history, changed the world itself, just to save me. And risked your life doing it, You couldn't have been sure the armour would cover you in time to save you from their guns. Why would you do that, risk that, to save me?"

"Because I had to," I said.
"Eddie..." she said.
"Molly..." I said.

"Oh, God," said Molly. "Are we having a romantic moment?"

We looked at each other, and it would be hard to say which one of us was more appalled at the thought.
"
The man with the golden torc; Simon R. Green

funny author this is... good stuff... a little bit raw, but the ideas and images conveyed are good...

excerpt from a book i'm reading...

2009-06-10T21:34:00.003+08:00

"the man who would be known as Sinner made the decision to sell his soul to the Devil. So he studied the subject carefully, made all the correct preparations, and called Satan up out of the Pit. Not one of his demons, or even a fallen angel, but the Ancient enemy himself. History and literature are full of stories showing why this is always a really bad idea, but Sinner apparently believed he knew what he was doing. He called up the Devil, bound it to a pleasant form, then said he wanted to sell his soul. And when the Devil asked Sinner what he wanted in return, the man said, True love. The Devil was somewhat taken aback by this, and apparently remarked that true love wasn't really his line of business. But the man insisted, and a deal is a deal, so... The contract was signed in blood, and in return for his immortal soul, the man was promised ten years with the woman of his dreams.

The Devil said, go to this bar, at this time, and she will be waiting for you. Then he laughed and disappeared. The man went to the bar at the appointed time and did indeed meet the woman of his dreams. He fell in love with her, she she with him, and soon they were married. They enjoyed ten very happy years together, then, when the ten years were up, the Devil rose up on the last stroke of midnight, to claim the man's soul and drag it down to Hell. The man nodded and said; it was worth it, to know true love. And the Devil said, it was all a lie, the woman was just a demon, of of mine, a succubus who only pretended to care for you. The man said, it doesn't matter, I loved her and always will. The Devil shrugged, and took the man away.

And so the man became the only soul in hell who still loved. Despite what he knew, despite everything that was done to him; defiantly and stubbornly, he still loved. The Devil couldn't have that; it was corrupting the atmosphere. So in the end he had no choice but to throw the man out of Hell and back into the land of the living. And Heaven wouldn't take the man, because after all, he'd made a deal with the Devil. So the man came to the Nightside, to walk its neon streets forever, neither properly living nor dead, denied by Heaven and by Hell. The man called Sinner."
Haunting the Nightside, Simon R Green

Here I go

2009-06-10T00:06:00.002+08:00

Now, it is not that I am no longer interested in blogging or that I have lost the ability to crap out some text like this, its just... its gets tiring after a while, with nothing seriously going on in my life right now... where can I draw inspiration from? what can I write about? That I'm going to Genting on friday morning? That I'm currently doing logos for a soya bean cafe? I've actually been slacking my life away as a NEET? Or would you prefer the emo stuff about how a girl has held my heart captive and I am a hostage to her being...

no? didn't think so... But hey, since I'm already doing this, why not... **looks around for random object** ah yes, a skeleton holding a parang, this reminds me of a project i've been meaning to accomplish, forging my own sword, the steel will be infused with starmetal, only available from the rarest meteors, and the handle shall be carved from my thigh bone, thereafter, the sword will be a family heirloom to be passed down for generations, and somewhere along the line, someone might actually think of a story to go along with the sword, "your fucking greatgrandfather was a ninja pirate who sailed the seas in stealth, every soul claimed by this bone blade adds on to its awesomeness..." or something... I'm really bored.

2009-05-26T00:53:00.001+08:00

i love my dremel... do you? cos its fucking awesome... I can sharpen my blades now dammit... hahaha....

who?

2009-05-21T02:17:00.003+08:00

who swears at lecturers casually?
who asks lecturers out for meals regularly?
who goes into a pitch fully expecting to lose and come out as the winner?
who hogs lecturers for their attention at will?
who has the keys to a private slacking room in school to be used for unicorn saving sessions?
who goes drinking with their lecturers?
who gets into funny political struggles and ends up on the losing end of the stick?
who gets a free razor mouse in school?
who brings the whole house to school for a 3 weeks project?
who stays back in school to play DotA?

I know we do, this 3 years have epic for me, and its all due to the treasured friends around me that I manage to experience all these amazing memories.

Thank you all.

2009-05-17T22:35:00.002+08:00

Friends do not stab each other and twist the blade for extra damage, that normally reserved for jealous lovers and crazy exes.

And for that, I'm sorry.

My letter to you

2009-05-17T11:24:00.002+08:00

2 reasons why I took this down:

if you read it, I've made my point.
if you didn't read it, I'll understand why.
Maybe you really meant what you said.

2009-05-15T13:22:00.001+08:00

This is what happens when you change your language settings in facebook to English(Pirate)...Join me fleet, vivarrrrr la revolution!

an excerpt from a warranty card

2009-05-12T10:49:00.002+08:00

If the product is damaged by aggressive music listeners sliding a rail, sliding down the emergency ramp of your aircraft, slammed in your locker, slammed in your car door, run over by a car, running into a wall, getting run out of town, mountain biking, road biking, sky diving, beating your boyfriend unmercifully, getting beast down by the man, blown up in an accidental experimentation with flammable substances, or damaged in any other everyday experiences, it means you are living your life the way we want our product to be used! In these, or any other damaging events, we will replace the product for a 50% discount from retail.

Love Skullcandy.

is this awesome or what?

damage control

2009-05-09T14:07:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if I had done something earlier, would the situation be largely different now?

Would the outcome have been different?

2009-05-05T17:25:00.000+08:00

i hate eating extremely spicy food... the exit is more painful than the entrance...

2009-04-30T00:17:00.002+08:00

I came
I saw
I conquered

sounds familiar? its a T-shirt slogan i saw on some guy... I rephrased it to make a different kind of sense...

I saw
I conquered
I came

=)

I am back

2009-04-27T01:55:00.002+08:00

Just came back from taiwan no long ago, sorry but I didn't buy souvenirs for everyone... its like... I didn't like buying half hearted gifts for the sake of gifting... and it will take too long to shop for individual gifts... so this time... I'm selfish... =P

without further ado, let me unveil the spoils of the war...
I'll blog about the trip later when i'm more awake... sleep now... buh bye...

Disappearing act

2009-04-18T13:06:00.001+08:00

Dear readers, I'll be out of town from the 18th apr to the 26th apr...

Tata~ got a plane to catch!

haven't had this streak for a long time...

2009-04-17T19:21:00.003+08:00

The first Seven (7) people to respond to this post will get something made by me.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

- If you don't like what I gave you, too bad. Goods sold are non-refundable nor exchangeable.
- What I create will be just for you.
- It'll be done this year (2009).
- You have no say in what I choose to give you. And you won't know till you get it.
- Oh, be prepared to get something really strange and out of the blue...

But... like all things too good to be true, there is a catch. You must give me SGD$5000... OR put this thingy on your blog as well to spread the love...

1) Audy
2)
3)
4)
5)
6)
7)

although I must say... I like to make very hands on things... so i may have to mail the stuff over...

red eh...

2009-04-17T17:36:00.000+08:00

Your rainbow is strongly shaded red.

What is says about you: You are a passionate person. You appreciate energetic people. You get bored easily and want friends who will keep up with you.

Find the colors of your rainbow at spacefem.com.

Activity time!

2009-03-10T15:24:00.002+08:00

Make a DIY camera day!!! Could be anything, tin can pin-hole camera, cereal box pin-hole camera, origami pin hole cameras, I've only been listing the pin-hole cameras, but the point being DIY, I would be willing to listen if anybody has any non pin-hole related DIY camera ideas... magnifying glass camera? or maybe your ahgong's glasses lying around the house...

Google is your friend ;)

will post up photos of my camera soon...

HI! symbolic post ahead...

2009-03-04T20:19:00.002+08:00

Once upon a time, in a little village of kovan, there was this cafe, called Joe's Corner. The cook of the place was a talented man called Albert, and his food was really great. Since many years ago, he has worked the sweat off his back to prove his worth as a chef. But one coming week, his daughter was to come back from overseas to see him, he needed the time off to get together with his family... but as luck would have it, he has a reservation that week, and he needed to cook for an event, a combination of chinese and western food, Fusion it was called... So he asked his friend Charlene, a fellow chef he has come to work with a couple of times, for help. So Charlene went down and took over the cafe for that few days, cooking up a storm and all was well, until the gods of the culinary world wanted to see the chef behind it all... NO! they said, why is a chef asking another chef for help? This surely, cannot be allowed? And so a huge fuss was raised, and in the end Charlene's culinary liscense was to be revoked... All was sad for the weeks to come, for there was too much mayhem to be calmed...

All this for a petty(or was it written as patty? pardon my english...) mistake... was it worth it?

when you feel sad and turn your head down, why not turn it up to look at the sky?

2009-02-28T23:18:00.005+08:00

FYP

2009-02-28T18:25:00.002+08:00

I failed my portfolio, and also a chance that I failed my FYP... So coming next week i shall be a year 4 student in NYP... Doing FY.

Heres what happened, i dunno why or how i failed my portfolio, i just don't understand what it is there are looking for, the lecturers made me realise how much i hate portfolio, but fuck it, my main point is, since i have to stay back another semester to do my own shit, i will be taking FYP along with the next batch of FYP students... just in case I realise I did fail my FYP after all and would already have a 2 week headstart...

But in any case, if I would have passed my FYP, I will still stay and do this FYP, cos I have to do another fucking sem in school, might as well not waste my time and achieve more than I could have by just staying at home rotting(by which i mean doing my portfolio work)...

In any case, FYP should be fun... under adrian after all... seriously, what could go wrong? **wink wink**

Things i need to do for the coming days...
- go for my NS medical
- work for my semester's money, cos my mum shouldn't have to pay for another semester just because i failed...
- find out what exactly is going on in my lecturer's mind that would allow me to pass my portfolio...
- try out adrian's theory about something...

Hello... Random random Random

2009-02-22T20:16:00.002+08:00

Last night was really bored... Went to school for absolutely no personal reason... So yeah... spent the night in school doing OPW.

ah but what the fuck, my point being, there was this guy staying over in school... sleeping on the table... and in i go wearing a white t-shirt, long hair covering my eyes, singing hallelujah **see above video** at the top of my voice... Well, on my side, i didn't know there was anyone inside, so yeah... That poor guy woke up with a start, stared at me for a moment, screamed the hell out of his lungs, and fell on to the floor, thereafter proceeds to crouch in fetal position.

Although it was kinda evil to laugh, but it was really funny to see his reaction hahahaha... So yeah, random event of the night...

prep for SOYA

2009-01-31T01:00:00.002+08:00

camera check...
equipment set to mobile configuration, lock and loaded...
systems all green...
ready to deploy...

Ciel sensei might not be able to handle my equipments setting this time, cos its customised for my hands... hee hee...

a very interesting complaint

2009-01-29T17:52:00.002+08:00

for those who have been around me when i'm having one of my sinus boughts... heres someone who actually said something about it today...

//said to my fellow intern at yolk
colleague says:
hey, can tell CZ to go blow his nose?
colleague says:
before I break his nose. :/
colleague says:
**iinsert name here** is very known for violence
//after adding me on msn
colleague says:
if i hear loud sniffling too often
colleague says:
I will personally come over and break your nose for you
colleague says:
: )
colleague says:
then it'll be easier for cleaning
colleague says:
and there will be no need to sniffle
colleague says:
it's just that i find that people who constantly sniff are lazy and not want to go blow the poo out once and for all

how i wish breaking my nose would stop this monstrosity of a nose, but no. The world does not function like that. Would you like to hear me sniffling blood instead?

Work related stories...

2009-01-23T18:37:00.003+08:00

About time i cleared the dust... hokay, so i've been busy at work... what with a few companies trying to update alot of things before the CNY...

But anyway, heres something interesting i thought i'd share...

yesterday I was updating heeren's website about Tang Dian Wang, but heeren forgot to send me the unit number of Tand Dian Wang... Instead of emailing heeren and waiting for reply from the heeren liasons guy, i called heeren customer services... Customer service told me that Tang Dian Wang is on the 5th floor and how to get there... but i need the unit number... so i lied, and told them i'm sending flowers to their opening, so i need their unit number... yay...

lol.

announcement

2009-01-12T21:35:00.001+08:00

i'm revamping my blog, keep an eye out guys...

although i have work to do, but i'm really lacking the drive to do anything now... hopefully i can jumpstart myself with this...

hello

2009-01-08T23:05:00.002+08:00

hello... 2009 has been off to a great start so far... what i did over christmas and new year was fun... and there are some other outings that are... kinda sensitive... so... the people who should know already know, the people who don't know... well... too bad...

i forgot what i wanted to blog about... hmmm....

so yeah... was reading twilight over the past few days... Its um... frankly disappointing. Story development too headed for a happy ending, it was easy to see what happens next... Important scenes were breezed through, probably for the sake of preserving the minds of young little girls... Its a good read still... if you are out for a sappy romance story... without the sex...

lol.

BAMPIRE BAMPIRE BAMPIRE BWAT!!!!

not the kind of life i'm living for

2008-12-22T14:18:00.002+08:00

this is not meant for people to read, cos it doesn't make sense on a general level.

no mood for an elaborate lead in, so i shall just jump straight to the point. =(

i like what i do, i love dabbling in a bit of 3D and a bit of drawing, i love using php and flash to do awesome stuff, but when you turn it into a job, and throw in responsibilities, clients, co-workers, bosses, it becomes a life i promised myself i wouldn't lead.

I wanted to be the carefree person who does what he loves for a living, having fun everyday, living life to the fullest, but at the state i am in now...

hating what i do, getting rejected by clients, unable to meet targets, unable to spend time doing proper stuff, but having to go through the same things everyday, looking forward to paychecks, weekends, holidays and day offs...

i can't see myself doing this for the rest of my life. I cannot bear the thought of having to sit in front of the computer 5 days a week 9-6 churning in endless amounts of work and shit, waiting for breaks, biding for retirement...

i'm not saying my work place sucks, its as good as offices get. Come in late nevermind, drink and smoke whenever you want, wherever you want, but its just that i get the feeling of that my life wasn't meant to be like that. I may not be mentally mature enough to face the harsh reality or what not, but if reality is like this, i never want to grow up.

Cosplay photos part 3

2008-12-15T11:42:00.003+08:00

time for some slightly more glamorous shots...

shagged...

cosplay photos part 2

2008-12-15T11:33:00.002+08:00

dunno y member looks so happy...

Ah ling is just so cute =P

Cosplay photos part 1

2008-12-15T10:55:00.008+08:00

This was how i looked like for the rest of the day...

"if its jess, i wouldn't mind being SMed" M*ng
a quote from a person called mong.

ling's idea of a smile.

notice the full glory of the demon making the photo look nice...

Ooh... so slutty looking here...

I do not know how to smile...

my in-character girlfriend for the day...

mother and daughter...

my jie mei... real one...

Fan dis-service alert... oh wait... should have said that before the photo...

The Skycrawlers

2008-12-11T18:28:00.004+08:00

This is a real sad show... it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it makes you think... If you live a life whereby you could die the very next day, would you still choose to grow up?

If you lived your life the same way you have done for the past few years in repetition, with no true memory of when it all started and no indication of when it will end, is this life?

If there is no war, will we really understand the concept of peace? But do we really need war to allow us to appreciate the times of peace?

Similarly, to truly fear the darkness, we must first see the glory of the light and know it to be true.

one thing about the movie is interesting though, they are all meant to be children, yet they all smoke, drink and have sex... And they smoke obsessively... Take out one cig, light it up, take a drag, throw cig away. Repeat 13,712,687,590,675 times...

The OST is not bad... a tinge of melancholy, a touch of excitement and a dash of fear. Not something you listen to while doing work, not something you listen to when you want to sleep, this is something to listen to listen, to experience it for what it is.

Truly a masterpiece.

OMG i'm skeletal

2008-12-09T11:36:00.001+08:00

I realised this morning that i can wear my old diesal jeans again.... oh how i've shrunk... bleah... dunno if its a good thing or a bad thing...

Cosplay

2008-12-08T23:24:00.002+08:00

gonna cosplay this saturday... kinda sudden but yeah haha... no planning whatsoever, just do...

I love to DIY things... For this time, i dyed my own shirt, sewed my own ribbon, made my own props... hee hee.... the fun of cosplay...

don't want to spoil the surprise... i shan't say what i'm going to cosplay as, and for those who know, don't spread ;)

cyanide and happiness

2008-12-02T11:06:00.002+08:00

i saw this on cyanide and happiness... funny shit...

Hey diddle diddle,; The cat and the fiddle,; The cow jumped over the moon!
: The little dog laughed to see such fun,; And the dish ran away with the spoon.; He ran from conviction,; To feed his addiction,; As the dish heated the spoon.
: The spoon begged to go,; But the dish said "NO!",; The heroin will be ready soon.

wheeeeee~~

2008-11-05T09:26:00.000+08:00

i've finally descended to a new level of low... i'm a lolicon now...

this is Ruika... my newest idol...

a had a dream~~

2008-10-30T07:08:00.002+08:00

wow... what a vivid dream i had...

i dreamt of 5 girls last night, they each had different faces and different personality different hair, know wads the best part? i have never seen them in real life before...

creepy uh... the creepiest being that they are all ah lians and are all students from the same school wearing pinafores... so i dream of young ah lians huh... maybe thats my secret fantasy fetish that i wish i never had... dyed hair, ridiculously shortened skirts, crude way of talking...

so yeah, i was dreaming about it so vividly that i didn't want to wake up, of course, i didn't realise it was a dream, otherwise i would have took down their emails that they wrote on my door, before i wake up... i tells you arh... u give me magic 4D numbers in my dream i also cannot buy... cos i'm not inclined to take down these numbers in real life, so naturally i don't take them down in my dreams...

but anyway... this sort of creeped me out... what if these people were real, and we all shared the same dream, and we were meant to meet, but i was too dense to take note(ah hell, they wrote it on my door, i'll add them later)

and what if it wasn't a dream? what if these weren't real people, they are figments of my imagination and they are trying to tell me something, and for the life of me, i can't remember what they said...

or or wad if they were a bunch of people from a parallel universe, telling me, thank god you didn't mate with an ah lian or else we would have been born...

and how come i'm talking about ah lians like they aren't human anymore? like a seperate species liddat...

meh

2008-10-10T16:26:00.000+08:00

is it me or is it that there is really a group in FYP that is geared to get A? Put a couple of high achievers together, throw in alot of lecturer attention, a pinch of advice, a dash of criticism... put into pressure cooker and bring to boil for 3 months... voila! an A grade project and a bunch of jaded students smelling a little bit burnt out...

ever notice how their interim presentations are always so high profile? bunch of big shots sitting around... our presentations seem like chit chat sessions at coffeebean in contrast... but it isn't too far off either, casual reports around the table, a mug of tea in hand we would be lucky to have 2 leturers... OMG! did I hear 2? holy shit!!! 2 lecturers are coming hurray...

their intentions are obvious, lets make a super A grade project and care less about the other groups... as long as we have something to wow the open house people with, we'll just concentrate on that...

Sorry to the particular group that i'm talking about, i don't mean any offense... i just dun like the way the lecturers are doing things... did you realise you are not allowed to fail? u have a nice idea already but you need another one just in case? But too bad... this is typical singaporean pragmatism... you guys should totally put in sublimal messages that comes out only when its being showcased... or an easter rotten egg... blow the new students to be away...

like... away...

An outing with out of touch friends

2008-10-07T22:04:00.006+08:00

and yarh... i went out with ziyang yuling and agnes on saturday to go eat and walk walk and do random things... so here are the pictures as promised...

(from left to right)

Yuling and Agnes

Ziyang and me (ooi where u looking at? girlfriend arh?)

Agnes and Ziyang, the couple i didn't know about till recently...

Sheesh... in fact, saturday was the first time meeting agnes too.... lame person like me.... the kind of jokes we share **shakes head**

So we went to just noodles to eat anything but noodles... heres my icecream.

And heres Yuling and me looking spastic wih our ice creams...

the both of us again this time trying to look cool...

After lunch we went to the fountain of wealth to play...

my first time touching the water from the fountain...

Group photo at the fountain...

After that we went to play with the UFO catchers at marina square... not before getting lost in the depths of suntect city...

Heres Yuling and her Elmo... that bloody thing costs 3.95 at actioncity... Yuling caught it at 3 bucks... sheesh

A pair of ugly but adorable dolls caught by Yuling again... they came together... isn't that cute?

kay larh... thats about it for the outing... i went to play DnD after that... sry guys... hee...

a touch of fiction

2008-10-07T21:38:00.002+08:00

just a moment ago, as I was taking a nap in the FYP room, now, normally i wouldn't prattle on and on about the minutes, but i'm in a mood for details today, I was taking a nap when almost everyone has left because i was waiting for the files to transfer to my thumbdrive; seeing the estimated time for transfer is 30 minutes, what better way to spend it than to sleep?

ok, so when a person wakes up from sleep their eyes take a few seconds to focus right? So it was all pretty normal to me when i couldn't see the time on the clock at first. Upon blinking my eyes a few times, the panic sets in... my eyes have refused, or rather, lacked the ability, to focus on anything far or near. After a while though, i realise i could make out some words if I stare hard enough, but thats not the point.

I realised I had developed a sudden onset of myopia(not yours). As we all know, myopia is caused by a physical condition whereby the length of the eye balls from the front to the back aren't to the optimum focal length for focusing correctly ie. elongated or squashed eyeballs, and hence the invention of spectacles to offset the difference in focal point. Soon as I recognised that fact, I connected the symptoms to me lying down with my eyeballs squashed against my arm while sleeping.

Thus i proceeded to close my eyelids such that my fingers that are positioned to each side of the eyeball wouldn't come into direct contact with the said eyeball. I then pressed my index fingers against the sides of the eyeballs to squash it back to shape. At that point in time, the treatment was purely experimental, but seeing to the fact that i could now look clearly with my left eye, i proceeded to work on my right eye.

As such, I have reverted the physical conditions that caused the acute conditions of my eyes. All is well now, and as sylvester the jester likes to say, back to normal!

Random facts for the day.

the word Ouch is an onomotopaeia.

an onomotopaeia is a word that sounds like its meaning.

Virga is a weather condition whereby the rain evaporates before hitting the ground.

2008-10-06T15:26:00.000+08:00

i just had steamboat for lunch with some FYP people... actually i want to blog about saturday but i still at school don't have the photos with me...

i realised something when playing DnD... if you play in character rather than out of character, meaning to say you do and speak as if you were the character, you experience a whole new level of gameplay.

So i was treating people to lunch for tripping a wired trap... there was no extra stats or extra benefits to the characters whatsoever, but seeing as to that our characters don't have drinks, a fellow player treated a round of ale as well... just to make things complete. Almost as if we were in a real restaurant... it was an interesting feeling when i thought about it later... almost kinda weird... i'm turning into a geek.

my disgusting dad

2008-10-04T00:23:00.002+08:00

i dunno if he does it on purpose, or he really is that tactless...

ok so i was having dinner... and my dad having finished his dinner, was cleaning up... he blew a huge wad of snot into the tissue paper and took a look of awe... then he showed it to me... all while i was still eating dinner... He then proceeds to explain how the ears and nose and mouth are actually connected via thousands of tunnels not quite unlike those pipes you see along the causeway transporting water to singapore... wow... i really needed to know that... while eating dinner no less...

hmmmmm.... is it fair to judge my dad based on one incident? hardly not... so prove my case valid, i shall bring in more examples to just how gross my dad can be.

yesterday's dinner, while i was eating said dinner, my dad having a serious case of rashes proclaimed out loud "wah very itchy!" and proceeded to rub all over his top naked body in frenzy... He then proceeds to show me his rashes... Maybe he thought i was having too good an appetite, he decided to take off his boxers to show me his itchy, red, baboon with late stage leprosy like ass to let me to let me witness the severity of his diseased skin. What kind of father moons his own son while he is eating dinner?

a few days back. lunch. comes over while i was eating. appears to want to say something, farts loudly in front of me, laughs, walks away.

quite sometime ago, another dinner... complains about how hot his briefs are. Then proceeds to show how he cut peekaboo holes in his briefs to let his equipment breathe. The mass of chinese new year fa cai beckons to my appetite and sucked it into its black holey exterior while it wasn't looking.

ok this actually happens from time to time... its not an isolated case.

Whenever we have porridge for meals... he would refuse to turn on the fan and claims that sweating is good for your body. He would then bellow out loud in hokkien, accompanied by a jolly hohoho, "SWEAT!". Pointing at his pot of a belly, he would point out large globuls of sweat dripping and starts explaining how sweat works to expel impurities in the body. every damn time.

need i say more?

one piece

2008-10-02T00:06:00.002+08:00

spent an entire day of a wonderful children's day/hari raya holiday reading manga... finished one piece... meh... feeling abit no life all throughout today...

well, heres an interesting thing that happened today... when i was trekking my way across zombie island(which is actually a ship) looking for luffy and nakama... i felt a sudden tightness in my bladder... no doubt the fault of the good old piratey ale we had the ship argggg! But heck, thats not the point... so i unpeeled my eyes away from the LCD screen to get up from the computer...

On my journey to the toilet, i had to trek hundreds and thousands of millimetres through the kitchen.... and i sighted a pile of food... heres the thing... judging from the food being brought out, i had thought we would be having guests over for dinner... I didn't think much about it... and went to take a nap after finishing my journey.

As the wafts of dinner smells float into the room to assail my senses... **goes into an intermission due to the food frenzy** and yeah... as we finished dinner, i thought back to what i saw this afternoon and realised... thats the amount of food needed to feed a family of giants apparently... no guests came over, no prizes for guessing **lol so punny**

and yeah... thats about it for a boring public holiday with nothing to do... thank you for reading thus far and wasting 3 minutes of your life, we hope to see you again~~

2008-10-01T12:49:00.001+08:00

I am beaten by my own trick HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Do i dare to hope? Do i dare to dream?

2008-10-01T12:16:00.006+08:00

If things went the way i wanted it to, i wouldn't have let it turn out this way...

As it is, I have a thousand and one things to say to you, but when i actually open up the msn window to talk... words forsake me and my mind goes blank...

Could it be possible to turn back time to before i confessed? I would rather have stayed as your jie mei if the alternative meant this awkward tension between us now...

S.O.S by ABBA

Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find
I try to reach for you but you have closed your mind
What ever happened to our love? I wish I understood
It used to feel so nice, it used to be so good
So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me S.O.S.
The love you gave me, nothing else can save me S.O.S.
When you're gone, how can I even try to go on?
When you're gone, well I try, how can I carry on?
You seem so far away but you are standing nearer
You make me feel alive but something died I fear
I really tried to make it out I wish I understood
What happened to our love, it used to be so good
So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me S.O.S.
The love you gave me, nothing else can save me S.O.S.
When you're gone, how can I even try to go on?
When you're gone, ooh I try, how can I carry on?
So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me S.O.S.
The love you gave me, nothing else can save me S.O.S.
When you're gone, how can I even try to go on?
When you're gone, ooh I try, how can I carry on?
When you're gone, how can I even try to go on?
When you're gone, ooh I try, how can I carry on?

Lol this is song is such an overstatement... but it just happened to be the song i'm listening to right now...

a breathe of fresh air

2008-09-21T11:42:00.002+08:00

so yeah... has been feeling abit sian the past week... was told that we were abit behind schedule... so i gotta buck up for my school work alr... and also a few sad events happened...

Good bye kenny... we'll write you letters!!!

and yeah... what better way to clear up emo-ness than going to work? last night was fun, merry making in the kitchen cooking up a storm!!! my carbonara skills abit dropping alr arh... =P

went for tau huay with jing after work... was in a spontaneous mood last night... no plans, just do. fun =)

2008-09-21T11:38:00.002+08:00

ok so that was abit naughty of me... haha... the earlier post was meant to target a person who would never read my blog, yet i planned it in such a way that it would affect a person who does read my blog...

XD i love the duality of things...

to whom i've caused distress to, i'm sorry... but it got the effect i wanted =)

Generic post

2008-09-19T22:45:00.004+08:00

Along the road of life, we meet alot of people whoever they are.I hope i wasn't just a passerby.

I get the feeling that you are very distant... I'm not neccessarily happy about it, but i'll accept your decision if it makes you feel better...

The times i had with you weren't fake, they were as much a part of me as any other and i will hold those memories till i die or get into accident and get amnesia or something...

Fun times we had, and i'll think about those times wherever we are from time to time.

I never regretted a moment. Too bad it had to turn out this way. No regrets either.

You never said you wanted me out of your life, however the things you do(or not do) make me feel you are distancing yourself on purpose.

So yeah... i'll leave you alone till you decide to talk to me and clear up whatever. If not i'm just gonna let this friendship wither away. Whichever happens first.

I'll put my energy into school for now till... whenever...

Good Bye.

birthday

2008-09-16T21:40:00.000+08:00

yesterday was my lunar birthday, today is my birthday... shiok anot... these few days been going out so much muahahaha...

got a few spoils for the birthday... my jacket... so comfy... and looks so ghey... i like...

thanks cuzzies... i love the jacket =)

fypj

2008-09-15T09:14:00.003+08:00

I'm having FYPJ now... for about 2 weeks alr... this is the 3rd week of fyp... Kinda late to update huh... been having alot of stuff going on recently... birthday celebrations and other things...

happy birthday to the september babies, Hanming, Javian, Joel and me of course =P

gonna have buffet tonight... heh...

hangover

2008-09-08T16:26:00.002+08:00

argh.... feeling to sick now... stupid hangover... I think theres still alcohol in my bloodstream... waiting for photos from ah fio... then will post a proper entry later...

Fireworks korean team

2008-08-23T21:29:00.004+08:00

I took these photos just now from the fireworks festival...

Someone likes this one wor =)
People who know me will know where i took these photos from teehee =)
Sian arh... abit wasted... didn't have someone to watch the fireworks with... its gonna be another year till we get this chance again...

chalet

2008-08-21T22:20:00.002+08:00

just came back from brandon's chalet at aloha loyang... freaking big place... spent alot of money on stupid things... guh... bloody cockles...

quite a flop of a chalet... not much stuff to do... slept alot... smoked alot, but at least i won't smoke for another few weeks... wanted to drink alot, but nope, didn't get drunk... when you have no money, things just get shit out of luck...

i still think the last chalet i organised was better... although as with chalet organising, there will always be people who don't turn up, people who don't cooperate... so the organisers ALWAYS lose money... so fuck it, i'll never organise another chalet... but i can always suggest things next time...

------------------------------------------

oh right, so i failed portfolio... have to redo and re-present by monday... shitty... so i don't think i'll be free to go out... damned... i really really wanted to go watch fireworks with edna... sianed desu... baybeats on saturday somemore... shit out of luck...

2008-08-17T11:41:00.002+08:00

http://www.babulous.com/15202/nicosongmix_33_songs_15_version/content.jhtml

I have no idea why, but this song/songs made me tear up... To some, in fact most people, this is nothing but noise, irritating sounds, but for me, having watched alot of animes, alot of the songs within this song brings up a certain memory.

To laugh with the characters when they are happy, to cry with them when they are sad.

I don't really know either, maybe the person that did this remix added a touch of magic. To draw emotions as easily as it does.

A certain someone said, if you know the origins of more than 10 songs, you are an otaku... Well, i'm more than an otaku i guess... =p

wow, A-fucking-mazing

2008-08-16T16:21:00.003+08:00

What Congzheng Means

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.

You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.

A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.

You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.

At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.

You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.

Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

You are incredibly wise and perceptive. You have a lot of life experience.

You are a natural peacemaker, and you are especially good at helping others get along.

But keeping the peace in your own life is not easy. You see things very differently, and it's hard to get you to budge.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.

Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.

Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

This is so freakily accurate that i can't begin to comprehend how it works... But its probably random, anyone who reads it probably would get the same feeling of **oh yarh, thats true**... =p

2008-08-14T17:58:00.002+08:00

I was just emptying out the memory capsule, reminded me of the many things i did, the first time i paid money for a free MMORPG, the first time i went to sentosa on the sentosa express, how geeky i used to look(the photos shall never be seen by anyone), what people used to think of me, the times we did stupid things like buying the tickets and not using the tickets to enter the cinema, first time take neoprint, my first pack of cigs, the people i used to know but now so distant...

i'm blogging stupid things now that i'm damn bored....

energy

2008-08-14T12:00:00.003+08:00

phooooooiiiiiii~~

enough with the yin energy, go away...

bring in the positive thoughts and energy!

nothing is gonna happen if we sit around and wait for things to happen.

Its just this week, i swear things will be better next week!

i just realised the Sentosa pass still can use until February 2009, so its not wasted~

2008-08-14T01:30:00.004+08:00

mixture of feelings.

useless
irritated
jealousy
sense of loss
distant
stupid
despair

**sound of the rain starts pouring**
Rurutia - Ryuukou(music box ver)

I feel like giving heck to my portfolio to dedicate my time to you, to make things right, to make you mine...

i hate local productions for a reason

2008-08-11T21:26:00.000+08:00

money no enough 2 in particular... you know y? cos the local population is so small... less people watching means? less earning.... so when local productions don't expect to earn much, they spend very little... what comes out is a sloppy film filled with irritating ads(wow, mitsubishi star mex!), lousy CGI(F1 racing cars that look like toys?) coupled with lousy acting.
Did I mention creativity? No?
cos there is none to speak of. All he's trying to do is to empathize with the local population by playing on the pet peeves of the locals. (hello ERP, hello parking fines)
and as usual, being the government's lapdog, sweetening our beloved government's motives. I don't say that our government don't solve problems, they do, but the solutions tend to always suck more money from the population.
Its as if i paid money to sit down for 2 hours of national education.
This is what came to mind when i saw ah hui on the movie poster. This is coonskin. Not money no enough 2.

except i didn't spend any money to watch it, if its any consolation at all. i've hated jack neo films all along and will continue to hate them for a long time, but i always end up watching his films cos my mum is a fan. wasted a hell lot of time today... bah...

on the other hand, i bought a new pair of jeans today... hee hee... my favourite boot cut...

just a little side note, my brother is freaked that i'm gonna cosplay a girl... like... no way, NO FUCKING WAY.... come on... its my last chance before i go for NS and get buffed... dun wan see then dun come lor...

Look at the stars, look how the shine for you...

2008-08-11T10:46:00.000+08:00

apparently its the phone's error, but its my fault that i didn't interpret the error message, or lack of one, correctly.... everytime i send out an sms, there is supposed to be this screen that says "msg sent" apparently it hasn't been appearing yesterday... i didn't think much about it... and it was only at night then i realised i haven't been sending out messages from my phone the whole day...

what does this mean? i have been ignoring people all day, i haven't been recieving msgs the whole day, i missed out on an outing, i got agitated for nothing.

gah... *bang wall*

on a side note... i'm gonna have to go cold turkey this week cos of the coming portfolio presentation...
舍不得
不舍得
舍得不

2008-08-08T01:27:00.000+08:00

just to leave a memento for the future, today, 7th of august, i finally got to hold baby's hand.

**soundtrack to beatles - i wanna hold your haaaaaand~~**

2008-08-07T10:44:00.000+08:00

i hate politics.

all the lies, secrecy and deceit.

when friendships and/or relationships are built on lies, it will be difficult to sustain them.

its supposed to be about trust.

oh btw, when someone presents me with a challenge, a dare, i feel like doing just for the sake of trying. I might try something and i might fail, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to do it.

dazed

2008-07-31T09:48:00.000+08:00

i've been in a dreamy state of late, no good... lotsa deadlines... gotta buck up alr...

i got dragged to watch hancock yesterday... interesting storyline, but it wasn't impactful enough... A super hero movie needs the impact no matter how spoofy it is... doesn't leave a lasting impression... or maybe thats just me and my state of being right now :p

working later, but i'll try to do abit more of the journal before going...

after treading water for so long, i'm glad to have reached the shore, but I have no idea what solid ground feels like.

Duck night

2008-07-21T12:07:00.000+08:00

hmmmm.... felt that i have to blog about dark knight... so cool... the joker that is... I love the scenes that he plays, I love the way he says what he does and does what he says... I love the way he burned away the money after he got it, in everyway, i think the joker is much much cooler than batman... no fancy gadgets, no armour suits, no armoured vehicles... just pure brain power... and he can fuck batman up so badly... i almost felt sad when the joker got caught... almost...

And i think something is wrong with me... i felt no regret when rachel died... i just shrugged it off... **shrugs**...

batman sucks. never liked him much... Must be the silly tight suit. (flame on!)

phew...

2008-07-21T01:07:00.000+08:00

nearly couldn't get home just now... watched dark knight at causeway point... so i barely managed to take 74 from amk mrt... was so panicky when the last 161 from woodlands has gone alr...

hmmm.... what did i do today... bought a pair of shades... speaking of which... i've been on a splurging spree this few days... watched 2 movies over the week end and bought a cap and a pair of shades... hmmmm dangerous arh... spending faster than i earn money...

went down to neo tiew area today... its hmmm... nostalgic/melancholic/fun? cos firstly, its a place i've been to a few times before... played at the playground, ate at the kopitiam, watched old men play chinese chess... then now, to see the place become a ghost town... residents moved away, playgrounds left to rot, grass overgrowing everything, grafiti on the empty walls... but it was an interesting experience... climbing into what used to be people's bedrooms, living rooms, kitchens, a glimpse into how people used to live... definitely will go down again some day... add our own touch of grafiti before the place is torn down for gov knows what...

took alot of pictures... but never post anything... lazy now haha... later then tatas~~

cosplay

2008-07-09T00:39:00.000+08:00

**edit** i removed the "scar"

this is my first time cosplaying... so don't expect too much :p photos coming up after i sort them out...
my brother, me, theo
smsing halfway...
zero is supposed to be pissed off most of the time...
zero and yuuki
group photo with fellow VK cosplayers... shucks... never got their contacts...
erm?...

ERM?...super hiao photo of me heh heh...
spastic...

the photo i love the most haha...

Stressed

2008-07-04T01:40:00.000+08:00

ok, i've been ranting about how dead i am this few days, up till now has been rubbish, i just realised i signed my death warrant...

friday(later today) hand in(due last week) IID assignment, meet wendy, discuss art and design history, blog about UCD.
Saturday clean up my costume, do art and design history slideshow
Sunday CosFest
Monday to Friday choose a day for portfolio review
Monday continue doing art and design history
Tuesday art and design history presentation
Wednesday RIA assignment 2 due
Thursday Friday Saturday working because the head chef isn't in Singapore, i have to stand in...
Sunday cousin's wedding

tell me i'm not screwed.

bahbhdfaefgbslkjgv

2008-07-03T21:27:00.000+08:00

3rd coffin nail in 2 hours... i gotta find some other way to relief stress... and that is to blog stalk and do quizzes...

[ ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[ ] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars. a few, not alot...
[ ] I tan easily.
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color. black is the new black.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[x] I have/I've had braces.
[ ] I wear glasses.
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles.
[ ] I hate my dad.
[ ] I hate my mom.
[x] I have a brother.
[x] I have a sister.
[x] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[x] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.
[x] I'm in school.
[x] I have a job. part time?
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[ ] I almost always do my homework. part of the reason why i'm so stressed right now... freaking IID(due last week)...
[ ] I've missed a week or more of school.
[ ] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[x] I've stolen something from my job.
[ ] I've been fired.
[x] I've slipped out an "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry. it's.. freaking.. Disney.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[ ] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[ ] I've glued my hand to something.
[ ] I've had my pants rip in public.
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[ ] I've gotten stitches/staples.
[ ] I've broken a bone.
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[ ] I've sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[ ] I've had chicken pox.
[ ] I was born in a different country.
[ ] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I've been on a plane.
[ ] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls. kota tingi only...
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.
[ ] I've gotten lost in my city.
[x] I've seen a shooting star.
[x] I've wished on a shooting star
[x] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas. in the dead of the night, who's to see?
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[ ] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[x] I've been skiing.
[ ] I've been in a play.
[ ] I've met someone in person from myspace.
[ ] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern lights.
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night. until someone spoiled the roof access door **eyes neighbour**
[ ] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I've eaten sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.
[x] I'm single.
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[ ] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[ ] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[ ] I've kept something from a past relationship.
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I'm bi.
[ ] I'm gay.
[ ] I've had sex.
[ ] I've had phone sex.
[ ] I've cybered.
[ ] I've had sex in public.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[x] I have kissed a stranger.
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[x] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world. just one?
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[ ] I've witnessed a crime.
[x] I've been in a fist fight. ok, i'm assuming weapon fights are counted as well...
[x] I've been arrested.
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[x] I regularly drink.
[x] I've passed out from drinking.
[x] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[ ] I've smoked weed.
[ ] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[ ] I've eaten shrooms. i don't think that means mushrooms right..
[ ] I've popped E.
[ ] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[ ] I've done hard drugs.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
[ ] I shut others out when I'm depressed. i put on a mask of cheerfulness, does it count?
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[x] I've woken up crying.
[ ] I'm afraid of dying. as of now, i have nothing I really want to live for.
[ ] I hate funerals. complete waste of time.
[ ] I've seen someone dying.
[ ] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[ ] I've planned my own suicide.
[ ] I've attempted suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[ ] I own an iPod or MP3 player. used to... until i broke it and decided not to replace it.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga. Its not unhealthy, smoking is.
[ ] I own a plushie of my fave character from anything. not exactly, i hate sasuke...
[x] I own a cosplay outfit. MY FIRST ONE!!! SO EXCITING!!!
[x] I know what cosplay means.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[x] I collect comic books. once upon a time, i did.
[ ] I own something from The Gap.
[ ] I own something I got on e-bay.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie. guy berms which look like bloomers.
[ ] I can sing well.
[x] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[x] I open up to others easily.
[ ] I watch the news.
[ ] I don't kill bugs. depends on my mood, i might just let it fly into my neighbour's house.
[ ] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme. I don't give much notice to lyrics... i frustrate the hell out of people who send me meaningful songs...
[x] I curse regularly.
[ ] I sing in the shower.
[x] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[x] I'm a snob about grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I twirl my hair.
[x] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I love being neat.
[ ] I love spam.
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day.
[ ] I bake well. I don't bake, i cook.
[ ] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.
[ ] I've worn pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[x] I know how to shoot a gun. textbook knowledge. never shot a gun before.
[ ] I am in love with love. wot the hell?
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS. NO FUCKING WAY.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[ ] I eat fast food weekly.
[ ] I believe in ghosts. I believe everything is made real by the mind.
[ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[ ] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room. There ARE spiders in my room.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[ ] I love white chocolate. the less milk the better
[x] I bite my nails.
[ ] I play video games.
[x] I'm good at remembering faces.
[ ] I'm good at remembering names.
[ ] I'm good at remembering dates.
[x] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
[x] I loath labels. I love black label though...
[ ] I like action movies.
[ ] I like horror movies.
[ ] I like chick flicks.
[x] I know the most random facts about things people have never heard of before.
[ ] I can't spell.
[x] I treasure my friends. Those i manipulate and use, i don't consider friends.
[0] I think of others before myself. i put an o because it differs from time to time...
[x] All of those are answered honestly.

I am fucking exhausted

2008-07-03T13:57:00.000+08:00

as said title proclaims, i'm really at my limit here... too many things squeeze into so little time... oh fuck that, don't feel like blogging no more.

heres a true story

2008-06-24T02:45:00.001+08:00

i was thinking about what to eat at china town hawker centre last sunday... i suddenly decided i want to eat lamb ribs soup... i turned the next corner and sure enough, i saw the stall selling just what i wanted. GASP! **shock** what the? how did that happen?

and thats all for the week. bye.

haven't done this sorta thing in a long time...

2008-06-18T00:42:00.000+08:00

Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question,
make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list,
list them out at the end of this post.
Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.

1) If you were to choose a place to migrate to, where would it be?

Australia... some sparsely populated outback

2) Where is the place that you want to go the most?

The land of the rising sun

4) If you can have one dream to come true, what would it be?

earn enough money to upkeep myself and my family, at the same time be able to enjoy my life as i go along... I don't believe in retirement plans...

5) Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?

rainbow? wad rainbow? i think rainbows are overrated... nice evening skies are better...

6) Who/What are you afraid to lose the most now?

My friends, especially the one that feels really distant recently...

7) If you win $1 million, what would you do?

What good is a million bucks nowadays? I'll invest in random stuff lor...

8) If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?

when i finally know how to define love, then yes i would. For now, i don't wanna screw up the life of a girl that i'm not sure if i really love anot.

9) What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?

someone i can look at for the rest of my life and not get sick of the view, someone with whom i can pour my heart out to every night.

10) Which type of person do you hate the most?

People who suck up

11) What is your ambition?

Travel the world and try all jobs no matter how unglamorous.

12) If you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you
or would you rather they keep quiet?

tell me in private

13) What do you think is the most important thing in your life?

my friends, i am nothing without them

14) Are you a shopaholic or not?

nope... i'll want to buy something before going shopping...

15) If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?

I would like to change my possesive nature, and be more open to letting go...

16) What do you usually do at home?

read, use comp... sleep...

17) Any weird habits or quirks?

alot arh... for example, how i would fill out this entire quiz and not answer this one question properly...

18) What would you be doing if you were not taking this quiz?

reading a new book i just got...

19) I have a fetish for?

er.... can i even answer that?

20) What are you thinking right now?

cosplay stuff... and something else i can't find words for...

8 people I tag:
bah... anyone who reads this and feels like doing it... anyone who reads this and feels like doing it... anyone who reads this and feels like doing it... anyone who reads this and feels like doing it... anyone who reads this and feels like doing it... anyone who reads this and feels like doing it... anyone who reads this and feels like doing it... anyone who reads this and feels like doing it...

希望越大,失望越大

2008-06-12T21:16:00.000+08:00

what the fuck. i have never felt so disappointed in my life before.

Picture this, you have no idea what your blood type is, you go for a blood donation drive, and you wait indefinitely to recieve the letter that reports your blood type. your friend recieves her letter and you wonder where yours is. you get home to ask your mum about it, she tells you she threw it away already, sorry.

how many things are wrong in this picture? firstly, the letter was addressed to me, you shouldn't read it. secondly THE LETTER WAS ADDRESSED TO ME, and you didn't give it to me. thirdly, you say you didn't think it was important, yet you didn't ask ME whether it was important even though THE LETTER WAS ADDRESSED TO ME. fourthly, because it was already thrown away, theres nothing i can do no matter how much i resent it. fifth, because you are my mother, i cannot do anything to you, i can't shout at you, i can't scold you, i can't guilt trip you.

All i can do is to avoid looking at you lest you see my watering eyes. there was just so much anticipation and the disappointment was just too much. I cried.

Pirates of the carribeans is a good movie...

2008-06-11T11:38:00.000+08:00

I just got reminded of how good the POTC trilogy is... especially at worlds end... i was watching channel news asia, then one thing led to another, i was reminiscing the scenes in the movie and my eyes got watery and i got goose bumps all over.

good movies should do that to you.

not pure mindless violence, not senseless gore, not sappy love triangles. Nobody remembers those.

Poof!

2008-05-19T00:35:00.000+08:00

hmmm... I seem to have disappeared off the radar these days... I have been real busy recently... like... very busy can... between work, helping people with work, my own school work, meeting people, making plans and church, i barely have time to really sit down in front of my computer to do my daily random stuff... I think i'm picking up too many commitments all over the place...

ah ling said something that jolted me up from what i've been doing... there are alot of things more important than money, like health and family... And so i've decided to cut down my work schedule to once a week...

so I was back to my long overdue rounds of blog stalking, and I realised how much I have been missing out, first and foremost, a belated birthday greeting to my mum carrie, happy birthday! so sorry for missing out on your birthday... I owe you dinner... said online, i can't run away now haha...

so yeah... i've decided to put more time into family now... i've been coming home after 12 everyday for the past week... i haven't sat down for dinner with my parents like in forever...

right... got modelling to do... thats it for now i guess...

ouch

2008-05-04T22:31:00.000+08:00

ouch! someone say i attention seeking sia... hur hur... I don't deny, i am an attention whore =) otherwise I wouldn't put up my thoughts for the world to see. Put online = want people to see. Get the point of blogging?

I'm scared

2008-05-03T12:18:00.000+08:00

I'm really scared... For god's sake I cried myself to sleep last night. Seriously, what am I doing with my life? What am i gonna do from now on? Its not like i never try, its like i can never find my niche. I have nothing that i'm good at. I can do abit of everything, but I can't do shit for nuts. I'm just living my life day by day by day. Until I graduate, until army and then wad?

And then theres the other problem. FUCK THAT!

Blood

2008-04-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

Went to donate blood with Cynthia today... Trudy was supposed to do it as well... but shes underweight... so she couldn't...

quite the experience eh... subjected to pricking of fingers, poking of needles into arm, then having your liquid of life drained out of you... but yeah... it was one of those things that you absolutely have to try before you die...

it was so different from books i've read, movies i've watched, stories i've heard... maybe because i'm a weakling or maybe because i don't lead a very healthy lifestyle or whatsoever, but the experience sucked. Everything was fine till the last few drops... first came the dizzy spell as i tried to look at the nurse take out the needle... i couldn't see what she was doing, i couldn't see anything... my vision was clouded and all i could see are silhouettes. The nurse then asked me if i was ok, and then i couldn't hear anything... the buzzing sound in my ear getting louder and louder... I closed my eyes and started deep breathing, and the bed was tilted backwards with the legs lifted to shift the blood back to my head. I didn't die, but it was a scary feeling to lose sight and sound, even momentarily.

i'm not the only one... cynthia also had her dizzy spells and lost of sight and hearing, except hers was worse... she had to walk back from the toilet... we skipped 3/4 of art and design history as a result... muahaha...

the next time i donate blood, i'm gonna eat a proper meal before going, normalise my sleeping times at least 1 week before and try to live as healthy as possible... and dun ask me why i'm gonna do it again :p

Camera

2008-04-17T22:57:00.000+08:00

hmmm... went down to Singapore Arts Museum today to look at the Xu BeiHong in NanYang exhibit... as required by the Art and Design History module... did some stupid things... or maybe louis did... took photos in places not supposed to... hur hur...

finally got myself to bring the minolta out for a test run... no pictures for now... i gotta go bathe... and i'm too lazy to plug in the D80... wait till the films of the minolta come out then one shot publish them all hur hur... don't even now if the films are gonna turn out nice too... if its nice i'm gonna buy that 3 rolls of film for 10 bucks... then put on hold any plans to buy over the D80 from louis...

Maybe i'll buy the canon 300D... it suits my needs for now... and its cheap... thats the main thing... lol... the difference between $600 and $1600 is alot... and i have no idea if its gonna turn into a passing phase of my life anot... like the $200 guitar bought on impulse and left to rot... and the $600 wacom tablet thats currently used as a eating surface... $1600 seems like a huge sum of money if i'm not gonna use it actively for the rest of my life...

but first... lets check out the outcome of today's efforts shall we? hur hur...

clubbing - the experience

2008-04-03T05:20:00.000+08:00

hmmmmm.... if you actually prepared to have fun, clubbing can actually be fun!

lemme try to put the experience into words...

in a place where your ears and eyes provide little assistance, the environment threatens to flood you at first, as the music drowns out all else, there is little to do except to be absorbed into it. You move along to the thumbing beating rhythm and let the music take you over. You need little alcohol to get you high, as you could very well get drunk on the atmosphere. The strobe lights blind you, blending you into the background as you move along with the crowd. The hypnotic lights confusing your senses, drawing you away from reality, before long, you get addicted to the feeling. A switch flips, and you transform into someone you're not, someone badass, someone who doesn't care what people think, someone you wished you were, but once you get out of there you know all these feelings will fall apart. With that in mind, you push yourself to the limits, gyrating with random strangers with no care for the day to come. The night is still young.

When the last song dies down, the crowd cheers, then wails, and then start to shuffle out with a slight feeling of dejection. The motes of light dancing before your eyes, the muffled ringing drumming into your head, the weak feeling when the effects of adrenaline fades away, all these are the only things you take with you as you walk away. And you wonder when the next trip is gonna come.

Dad... I... ***URGH**